“One night I was sitting on the bed in my hotel room on Bunker Hill, down in the very middle of Los Angeles. It was an important night in my life, because I had to make a decision about the hotel. Either I paid up or I got out: that was what the note said, the note the landlady had put under my door. A great problem, deserving acute attention. I solved it by turning out the lights and going to bed.”—John Fante (via nickmiller)
I don’t think I can do Day 17 because I still haven’t figured out what exactly has been a high or low point for me this year.
Blah blah blah things happen for a reason blah blah blah, universal plans, blah ablah. YA KNOW?!
I’m growing up, that’s pretty cool. And I’m feeling more accomplished with myself all the time. I genuinely really like who I am, and I feel like if I were another person, I would totally be my friend! I have awesome awesome friends, and a good head on my shoulders to know the difference between right/wrong and good/stupid.
I’m growing up, that’s pretty scary. And sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in all this.. whatever it is! I haven’t talked to my mom in about 3 months. She has been in and out of mental health institutions, and now blames my brothers and I for her loneliness, and inescapable depression. So.. that’s sucks more. And sometimes I wish I had more friends. Like close close friends. People that I could say those sentences to, about my mom, and not feel horribly awkward and sad about saying it out loud, and to another person. Like right now.
My earliest childhood memory took place in the foyer of the house that I live in right now.
It used to be my Grandmother’s house. It was the center of family, and every cousin, aunt, uncle, playmate, and stray animal made this place home, once. This home didn’t become the ‘house that I live in’ until I moved back from Branson in the 7th grade. Grandma had passed away, and not a single person in my family of 50+ wanted to see it sold, and my dad being the only relative in a position to buy it, did so.
But- memory. I was 3 or 4, and I had a pink barbie nightgown on, and I stood by the archway, next to the Lawyer’s Case, counting to 5 on my hand. I remember being so proud of myself, and thinking I was so smart and I could do anything. I don’t even remember why I was concentrating on counting so hard, or why I was standing in the foyer in my Barbie nightgown.
Taking a break from Japanese firebombing essay. UGH! It’s draining my life.
Firrrstttt kisss. Hahahahahahaomg
I guess that would be Lino Trujillo, technically. Also my first real boyfriend. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I can honestly count Lino as one of my closest friends. Too bad the butthole lives in California now. I guess I’ll just have to make a road trip to go see him. Miss you, Leeeennz. <3
The first person I thought I loved was Noah Harbin.
The first person I actually fell in love with was Joe. I learned that it’s not always butterfly stomachs, and sweet things to say to each other. It’s hard, and hurtful, and it makes you mean, and it makes you want to punch someone, but it’s the best feeling, it’s the best state of mind, it keeps me grounded. He keeps me grounded.
-There’s sooo much homework to do!! I’m glad I put it off for tonight, though. I liked date night with the BF. But, I can’t wait for Christmas break. Or all of the cool stuff I just got on eBay. haha! I buy as much as I sell on there. :(
-I just baked home made chocolate chip cookies! Baking always makes me feel so much better and happier, and it puts me on a sugar buzz for all this homework.
-I dyed my hair a brighter color red/magenta on Monday, and when I took a shower this morning it looked like an Alfred Hitchcock movie in my shower.
- I also just watched a bunch of Lykke Li covers on youtube. I think Little Bit and Dance Dance Dance will be the first two songs I learn. REAL EXCITED.